Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
