It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
