You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
