Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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