I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
