you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
