Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
