ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
