the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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