He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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