When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
