All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
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he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
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Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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