New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize