actually, I'm a sock model
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
