Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
