Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me i tasted like america
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
