Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
