i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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