i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
