WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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