Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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