I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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