Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
