You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How external is "for external use only"?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
