I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
