it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
