I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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