i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
