My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
