When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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