Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize