Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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