peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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