Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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