I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
