I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
