I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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