Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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