I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
