Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
