i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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