p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
