Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
