This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
