Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
