you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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