thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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