I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
