This is not my ceiling
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
