Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I bet he comes in French.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
