Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
