The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Alive.
So much puke
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
