I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
