Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize