Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
