Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
