Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
