Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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