I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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