Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
