I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
