i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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