can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
