Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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