my vag is so smooth its legendary
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
PANTIES FOUND
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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