I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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