I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
