Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
