i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize