not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
