an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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