So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
