I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
