I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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