I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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