How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just google imaged poop.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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