I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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